Testing the Couch
by xXTaintedArtistXx
Summary: While Duncan is scheming,Alejandro's scarred for life,Heather's the self-prclaimed leader and Gwen's clueless to it all...you gotta feel sorry for the couch innocently sitting in the living room. If only it knew,if only...


**This was actually really fun to make I just felt like making something funny and I had this little random idea and decided to type it before it went away. It was kinda hard deciding on weither the second couple should be Geoff and Bridgette or Alejandro and Heather and I'm glad with the way it came out. When you read it you'll see this looks more like something Duncan and Alejandro would do, and my spanish isn't all that good so I hope I got them right. Hehe, sentence structure is kinda my biggest weak point when it comes to learning different languages, but still I hope you enjoy!**

**Oh and the _Italic _sentences are Duncans thoughts.**

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Duncan Carter, now the ripe age of twenty-three, strolled merrily from his room to the kitchen, humming lightly to himself. Tall and slender, the teal eyed man grinned and brushed his fingers along his jade mohawk, unable to contain the shudder and giggles that wracked through his body. Instead he just twirled, uncaring of how ridiculous it looked for a grown man to do any such twirl, before proceeding to the wonderful smell of scrambled eggs and toast. His stomach growled but he hardly noticed as he waltzed into the brightly lit kitchen, his eyes lighting up as he spotted the woman he adored.

Gwen Morde.

She turned to him, forks in her slender hands, and smiled. Duncan felt himself melt, his insides positively turning to squishy mush as he took in her face, her eyes, and her smile. The woman he loved. The woman he adored. Her dark green eyes softening just for him, her smile the smallest, yet always the warmest. The way her black and teal hair perfectly framed her face, the way she would roll her eyes whenever he said something less than profound. And today, today Duncan would have the chance to truly celebrate his love for this woman. He would take her out for a wonderful stroll through the park, scare some poor unwitting strangers at said park with some of their usual pranks and a make-out session, before topping the evening off with a food fight at home and perhaps a little vandalisim on the neighbors house. And after that?

Anniversary sex. After all, there were words, there were feelings, and then there was the physical act of proving that they were in love. The hot fiery passion that proved how much they loved each other, through sweat and loud to muffled cries in the bedroom, in the kitchen, and perhaps anywhere else if Gwen were so willing.

Yes, Duncan liked anniversary sex _very_ much.

"Hey, Sunshine!" Duncan singsonged, leaning into her back and wrapping his arms around her waist. He took a deep breath, barely able to contain his devious nature. He was grinning from ear to ear, rubbing his cheek against her neck, "A happy, lovely anniversary to you. Love you!"

Duncan chuckled when Gwen jolted, her snort just barely escaping her. He could imagine her rolling her perfectly olive eyes and could barely contain his excitement again. _Such a joyous day!_ Duncan thought, smiling against her neck.

"Love you too, Juvie. Breakfast will be ready in a moment. Just give me a sec." Gwen said. Duncan nodded and made for the small wooden table in the center of the room, but was stopped by a hand around his wrist, "Happy anniversary." Gwen muttered, her cheeks just the tiniest bit of pink. Duncan's chest swelled and he pecked her on the cheek, his body yearning with desire. How he loved her. How he couldn't wait to really show her through this wonderful day how much he truly-

_Ding Dong!_

_Who? _Duncan's smile fell from his face, replaced with a sneer that showed his fang like teeth. His eyes darkened and he rose from this chair, his anger thrumming in his ears, and he made to stalk toward the door. Instead Gwen passed him, waving for him to sit down as she made her way to the living room. Duncan sighed before plopping back in his seat, cradling his chin in his hand and closing his eyes. _Calm down Carter, it's not all bad. So you have a little less time to spend with Gwen. It's really, really small. No big. No big at all. _

_Nope...not at all. Just see who it is, deal with it, and then you'll have her all to your-_

Duncan's eyes snapped open when a familiar laugh rumbled to him from the living room. It was loud and hearty and Duncan's mind was stuffed with images of a tall tan man with auburn hair and Spanish accent. The evil grin, the constant scheming, and quite possibly the worst timing in the world. The full package was now in the living room, and by the sounds of voices carrying toward Duncan, quickly heading for the kitchen.

Duncan's eyes swiveled to the doorway and sure enough, Gwen was leading both Alejandro and Heather through their home. Heather sneered at Duncan, her long raven hair, down for the day. Alejandro's coat was draped over his arm before being placed over one of the empty chairs, and both of them sat themselves down at the table. Gwen returned to the breakfast, pulling down several plates. Her expression was still soft, but Duncan could no longer see the love and promises to a wonderful day to themselves.

He had to resist the sudden violent urge to rip Alejandro limb from limb. It was that man's fault after all. It was! Somehow, someway, he was to blame!

Duncan rose from his chair again and started to help Gwen distribute the food, scooping the right amount of scrambled eggs on the plates while sneaking glances at her. They locked eyes once and Gwen nodded, looking over her shoulder, "Um...not that I'm not glad to see _you_ Heather." Glancing at Alejandro as he gripped his chest, pretending to keel over the table, she didn't have anything against him, but he still used her friends "But why are you here?"

Heather smiled haughtily at her friend, "Well, Alejandro was telling me the other day how you two never get your lazy butts out of the house for your anniversary, so we decided to come over and see if we could help you actually do something right for once in your lives!" Duncan's eyes widened but he cheered when Gwen began to open her mouth to speak against it. Until...

"I'm sure _I'll_ have fun planning it! It'll be interesting for us to bond won't it? And I know this great place just around the corner it may be a bit too high class for your kind but it'll-"

Duncan sighed and went back to distributing the food, knowing the battle was lost once Heather had mentioned bonding time. They've been slowly building a type of rivalry/friendship since the show ended and the way Gwen's irritated eyes had softened a bit bothered him, and while he knew that he'd win most of the time when it came to Gwen, it bothered him to lose to Heather. _It's not a competition Duncan;_ he reminded himself, _don't lose sight of the real culprit._

Duncan's light teal eyes shot to Alejandro, the man sending him the most devilish grin before turning back to Heather. Duncan narrowed his eyes as he and Gwen began to give out the food, and he glared at Alejandro the whole meal. Neither male noticed the small chat between Heather and Gwen, both caught up in their silent glaring match. Duncan's face was drawn tight, a thin, straight line for lips on his face, while Alejandro's lips were more smug, with just the right upturn of the lips.

"I'll get the dishes." Gwen said, getting up from her chair. She blinked when she received no response, but rolled her eyes when she saw Duncan and Alejandro in the middle of their stare off. "Why don't you two go off in the living room while I handle this? It'll give Heather and me a chance to talk." Duncan nodded, rising from his chair and giving Gwen a light peck on the cheek before trailing off into the living room. Alejandro was quick to follow, the Spaniard falling onto the light brown couch as they entered the living room. Duncan sniffed at the tangle of limbs Alejandro became as the man made to reposition himself.

"What are you _really_ doing here Al?" Duncan asked, his brow rising to one side, "I doubt you really just want to help us with our anniversary." Duncan's eyebrow twitched when a snicker floated from Alejandro and he gritted his teeth, clenching his hands, "If anything, it seems like you came here to ruin our anniversary with some evil, convoluted plot. And I don't see why Pretty boy."

Chuckles from Alejandro nearly brought Duncan into a frothing rage, his eyes flashing as he looked at Alejandro with nothing but murderous intent. The happy, fluffy clouds he had awoken with were gone, shooed away by the large man in front of him that for some unfathomable reason was set to destroy his happy day. Instead, his teal eyes had turned an ominous, dark color that promised nothing but death, and Duncan almost smiled as some rather...gruesome deaths played in his mind. Alejandro's own laughter froze when Duncan began to giggle to himself, his eyes lighting up with ill suppressed glee as the Alejandro in his mind was thrown into a vat of aci-

"Amigo, stop laughing like that, you're giving me the creeps. Just relax my friend..." Alejandro said, smiling when Duncan's eyes swiveled back to him, "It won't kill you to go a few hours without just you and Gwen will it?" The cogs in Duncan's mind began to slow and his murderous rage was settled into an irritated calm as Alejandro spoke. _He has a point. Maybe he really does just want to help and I'm being-_

"Besides, who needs anniversary sex when you can have company!"

_That bastard! He knew! He knew! He intends to ruin my plans. A nice day out, a dinner, awesome sex, and the bastard is here to kill it! He'll perish! I'll end his miserable existence here! I don't care if he's taller, more muscular, and could out smart me in a second-_

_This won't go well if I just try it head on. _

Duncan's glanced back at Alejandro, eyes drifting off to the brown couch, and he smiled. _If I can't win by force...then I'll try my own brand of evil. That's it…play his game. _

"Hey Al, buddy." Duncan said, straightening himself out, "Did you notice? That's a new couch."

Alejandro titled his head to the side, thrown by the sudden change in subject, but he looked down at the piece of furniture and nodded. "It is isn't it? The last one was blue...what happened to it? Or did you two just want a new couch?" Alejandro shrugged and began pressing his hand into the couch, smiling as it squished under his palm, completely unaware of the look of evil, self-satisfaction that crossed Duncan's face. The wicked smile disappeared when Alejandro looked up and Duncan shook his head.

"The blue one was new, why would we want another?" Duncan trailed off, chest swelling as Alejandro's look of curiosity grew. Alejandro's brow furrowed and he nodded for Duncan to continue. "We actually had to have it replaced. See...the thing is, we needed something more _sturdy_."

"¿Para qué?" Alejandro asked, shaking his head, "What are you going to do on a couch that would need..." Alejandro trailed off, his eyes widening, and Duncan grinned._ Hook, Line and Sinker._

'"Yes...why _would_ we need a new couch already? Quite the conundrum, huh Buddy?" Duncan asked, taking a step toward him and waving his hands in the air. "A mystery."

"Silencio! I don't want to hear this." Alejandro said, turning his head and crossing his arm. Duncan's grin just widened, eyes flashing with ill suppressed glee.

"But really." Duncan said, walking toward the couch so he wouldn't have to yell for Alejandro to hear, "How were we supposed to know the couch was ready for our..._activities_. I mean, it looked nice and sturdy. False advertising if you ask me. I should ask for my money back." Duncan said, nodding to himself.

'"Duncan..." Alejandro said, shaking his head, "I'll leave right now if you don't-"

"Well, we had to get rid of the couch after that. And when we got his one, we had to make sure it could stand the pressure. So we practiced all night long, Gwen and I. Over and over and over again." Duncan said. Alejandro's hands had dropped into his lap, his eyes wide in silent horror. Duncan was whispering now, teeth bared in a frightening smile, "Think about it Al. Right were you sit, right here and now, Gwen and I have had the wonderful honor of showing each other just how much we _love_ each other. And we are _good_ at it."

"Oh G-"

"Over...and over. And _over_. I mean, seriously, we just can't get enough. This couch, much sturdier by the way, was able to withstand several of our more intense sessions. Sure, it skidded for a while, and the stains were hard to get out-"

"Por favor, sólo -"

"But it worked out in the end." Duncan said, shrugging. He cackled as Alejandro's jaw went slack, his eyes twitching as the information sank in. Duncan opened his mouth, thinking of more and more ways to bury the hatchet deeper, when Gwen and Heather walked into the room. Heather smiled smugly as she spotted her husband, swatting Gwen with a flip of her hair before hurrying toward the couch.

"Alright people here's the plan! Weird Goth girl and I got to talking and well..." Alejandro looked up at Heather's voice, his eyes bugging as she made her way to sit on the couch. He lunged for her, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her away. "AH! ALEJANDRO-" Heather screamed, shutting her eyes as she was jostled.

"¡Oh, por el amor de todo lo que es santo, Heather don't sit there! Just-just-ugh! It's so-so unholy. A travesty! To think that you almost-that I _did..._" Alejandro's face dropped and he shuddered, pressing Heather to his chest. Gwen's brows scrunched in a puzzled look.

"Ale..dro! Breathe! Can't-! Going! To Kill!" Heather tried, her voice muffled as Alejandro smothered her.

"Heather...mi amour, I think I'm scarred for life now. That devil, that _monster_. He-he told me that he and Gwen...over and over again! It's just-oh gosh-just-NO! I can't-I can't get it out of my head, the very thought sitting on the very spot where they constantly-" Alejandro stopped and shuddered again, bringing Heather even closer to his chest. Heather growled angrily under Alejandro's heavy grasp, her arms managing to flail as she struggled to breath. Duncan grinned at the scene where as Gwen only glanced among them, her eyebrows raised but otherwise silent as the spectacle unfolded before her.

"Why Alejandro!" Duncan said, pressing his hand to his chest in mock hurt, "What could you possibly mean! Are you insinuating something terrible has happened in our home? Why, how could you say such a thing!" Duncan looked at Gwen, eyes shining with fake tears, and Gwen rolled her eyes.

Alejandro's head shot up and he finally released Heather, the woman taking a great gasp of air as she grabbed her chest, glaring daggers at her husband. Alejandro growled, grabbing Heather's wrist and heading for the door, "Come on Heather, we need to get out of here before they manage to corrupt us any further."

"Corrupt us, what are you so paranoid about?" Heather asked, pulling in vain against the large hand clamped on her wrist, "Alejandro, what are you talking about-"

"No Heather, this isn't for your ears. It's too...awful. To think that they-and _so much _no less. The world has-"

"Hey Bro!" Duncan called, grinning as the man turned to him, eyes still twitching. Duncan swayed from side to side, eyes sparkling, "You act like we've only done it on the couch. Remeber the table where you had breakfast, well I ate an even tastier treat there this morning" Duncan smirked as the last of the color in Alejandro's face drained, waving goodbye as the man yanked his wife out of the house and slammed the door behind him. Duncan turned away, smile still in place as he addressed Gwen, "Need any more help in the kitchen, babe?" He asked, voice almost a song again.

Gwen blinked, crossing her arms as Duncan's mood shifted from annoyed, possessive and angry, to the sunshine and rainbows he had been before the guests. She shook her head, "Do I even _want _to hear about this?"

"Maybe...I don't know. Would you be all right if I say I probably just scarred La Cucaracha for life, as he put it?" Duncan asked, brow furrowing in concern.

"...maybe." Gwen said a small smile on her face.

Duncan's face lit up and he nodded, "I told him that we had to get a new couch because we broke the other one having sex, then said we had to test this couch, and as such, had lots of hot steamy sex on this one. And that he was sitting in it. Basically." Duncan said, shrugging. He took a step back as Gwen's eyes widen and her face glowed a bright crimson.

"D-Duncan are you serious!" she stammered in embarrassment as she punched his arm, he laughed as he rubbed it humored by his wife's reaction. Gwen unfolded her arms, but she simply glanced back at the couch."But we had to get a new because the whole thing collapsed. Loose screws and all that..." Gwen said, her voice painfully monotone. Duncan didn't know if he was about to die or not, and was very worried for the fact, "And we haven't had sex on this couch yet." Duncan's eyes lit up and he hurried by her side, fear forgotten.

"Yet-Ugh!" Duncan grasped his gut, gasping for breath as her elbow left his abdomen, Gwen headed for the kitchen, an amused smile on her face as her hair swishing behind her. _O-Okay so I kinda had that coming..._

"Maybe Duncan. Just don't try that again. You know he's gonna tell everyone right?" Gwen looked back at him, hand on the doorway, "And we'll never hear the end of it." She raised an eyebrow at him, annoyance clear.

Duncan straightened himself out, rubbing his stomach, "But...it made him go away."

"I know." Gwen said, turning away and going in the kitchen, "That's why I said yet."

Duncan grinned from ear to ear, following his wife into the kitchen, the rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns all restored. His eyes were alight with new passion, his heart sang with the notes of bursting love and anticipation of _really_ testing the couch.

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**Lol see this is my attempt at being funny I just wanted to mix things up a bit since most of my writing is deep and emotional, so I made this funny and simply. So tell me what you thought of my little random idea, I still honestly don't know where it came from!^-^**


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